Tuesday, September 11, 2007

We're Killing Johnny Knoxville

Who will be the next Spencer Tracy? Who is ready to take over for Paul Newman? Who is ready to kick Tom Hanks in the junk and be the new retard on the bench?

Johnny Knoxville is that man.

Yep, the star of such classics as 'The Ringer,' 'The Dukes of Hazzard,' and the hardly seen 'Daltry Calhoun' will be up at a podium soon enough to accept a small bald gold man that every SAG member would take a bullet for.

Well, Knoxville has, and that's the problem.

Senor Knoxville has been kicked, punched, shot at, ran over and concussed all for our love. We've thrown him a bone by checking out his 'Jackass' ways, but if we're not careful we're going to get this man Steve Irwin-ed. (That's my term and you can't use it without giving me credit.) We need to pay ten bucks for one of his movies where he doesn't wear some rocket skates.

'Jackass Number 2.5' is only coming out on DVD in time for the Christmas dollar because no one is seeing his other films. Yes, JN2.5 will be amazing, but that's not the point. We the movie-going community are playing God. His charm and charisma will come across as one of the scrap Marvel Comic superheroes that haven't made it to the big screen just as much as it did when he got knocked out by Butterbean.

Don't believe me. I don't care. His death won't be on my hands.

1 comment:

ItalianGigolo said...

Oh...my...gosh!......all of it makes such perfect sense. I am sure I speak for for America when I say w they do not want another Steve Irwin on their hands. Your right dude. We must stand and protect Johnny!