Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Poster Review: Charlie Wilson's War

If there's one thing we can be sure of after looking at the poster for Charlie Wilson's War, it's that this movie must be filled with mind-blowing twists and turns. How else to explain why they would make a poster that gives you absolutely no clue what the movie is about? Is it a comedy or a drama? Suspense? Thriller? Seems nobody in marketing wanted us to know.



First, we find ourselves confronted with this tag line.



Stiff drink? Check. Mascara? Check. A lot of nerve? Unverified. "Who says they couldn't bring down the Soviet empire." Holy non-sequitur, Batman! Is that what we've been talking about here? Ok, Soviet empire: check. Shall we move on?

No, wait a second. Let's take a closer look at the last sentence in their little tag. "Who says they couldn't bring down the Soviet empire" has a period at the end. Is that a statement? Sounds like a question; punctuated like a statement. "Who's on first. And furthermore, Who says Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and Philip Seymour Hoffman couldn't bring down the Soviet empire."

The conversational nature of this poster continues at the bottom.



I don't know. I don't know if you could make all this up. I have no idea what the movie is about, other than Tom Hanks and Julia Robert wearing nice clothes and dancing (or just grabbing each other's arms - who can say for sure?), with Philip Seymour Hoffman getting all cock-blocked in the background. But, hey, nice work with the punctuation this time around.

Fast fact: written by Aaron Sorkin.



Not to harp on this too much, folks, but his last effort was Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Ok, he probably has enough goodwill stored up with his fans from that whole West Wing ordeal. And this movie seems to be about politics (I think, maybe, possibly), which likely means Sorkin is back in his comfort zone. Still... I really hated Studio 60.

So then we've got Hanks and Roberts making googley eyes at each other. Or I suppose they're making cold, calculating, political espionage, bring-down-the-Soviet-empire eyes at each other. (Oh no! This movie isn't gonna have Tom Hanks doing a Russian accent, is it?) Then you've got Hoffman skulking around in the background, doing his version of Irwin Mainway.



Boy, that Hoffman sure does look shady, doesn't he?

Forgive me but, overall, I see this poster as a dramatic failure. It takes a movie I know nothing about, does nothing to inform me about it, and does not entice me with its visuals or wordplay. With any luck, the movie itself will be a little bit better.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Thursday, September 27, 2007

All I'm Saying Is...

CAN WE BE DONE WITH THIS GARBAGE???



'Save The Last Dance'
'Drumline'
'Step Up'

Damn.

Click here for appropriate garbage.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Poster Review: "Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem"


For those of you who thought 'Alien: Resurrection' and the original 'Alien Vs. Predator' didn't suck enough, we now find ourselves confronted with 'Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem.' This handsome one-sheet, in all its brilliant simplicity, reaffirms what the title of the movie already tells us: that the aliens will, indeed, face down the predators. Let's start from the bottom and work our way up...


* The credits. Well, at least they haven't suckered 'Sigourney Weaver' into being in these movies yet.



* 'AVP-R.' Ever since' T2,' you're not cool if you spell out the entire title of your movie. I heard George Lucas was thinking of going with SW:EII-AotC, but chickened out.



* Whereas the previous 'AVP' movie was set in an isolated area on Earth, the picture on this poster implies that the fight will go global. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe it's just meant to imply awesomeness.



* They have a pretty hardcore tag line: "This Christmas there will be no peace on Earth." Wait a minute. Wouldn't that be a better tag line for 'Fred Claus'?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Poster Review: 'The Heartbreak Kid'



The poster for 'The Heartbreak Kid' shows you just how
gosh darned *hilarious* this movie is going to be, with
nothing more than a simple still image and a few
carefully selected words.




*Ben Stiller. He's *always* funny. Hey, remember how
his name was "Focker" in those movies with Robert De Niro?
Comic gold!



*Wait a second... does he have cotton in his ears?
Say, that's unusual. What sort of wacky situation
has he gotten himself into now? That lady sitting next
to him seems to be making some sort of trumpet-like
gesture with her hands. How immature! That must be
really annoying for poor Ben. She must be crazy and
obnoxious. Can't a guy get a break? And since they're
stuck in a car together, it's not like Ben can just leave.
How is he going to deal with this irritating situation?




*Finally, there's the tag line. "Love blows." That works
on so many levels. Like, at least two. Do you get it?
Do you? Think about it for a minute, and you'll probably
realize just how clever that tag line is.
I won't ruin it for you.


Posted by Joseph Pontillo, Contributing
Resident Movie Geek

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Brothers Solomon- WHY??!!



I decided to watch "The Brothers Solomon" last week. Why? A boring night of nothing to do and a free pass to AMC will tempt me to go see even the most attrocious comedy. This gem is penned by Groundlings alum and SNL cast member Will Forte and directed by Bob Odenkirk. First let me start off by saying that these characters that Will Arnett and Will Forte play are beyond dumb. Not in a Lloyd Christmas, Harry Dunne good kind of dumb either. Just retarded dumb. Will Forte is just a dumb ass for writing this. Now, don't get me wrong, I think Forte has some strengths and I too would give my right nut to be involved in any movie that is greenlit, so good for him. But this failed so hard at the box office, if I had written and starred in it. I might disappear for awhile. The budget was around 10 million, opening weekend it grossed 500k, averaging about 750 bucks per theater...WOW. A shit ass performance like this film as well as "Let's go to Prison" really is a kick in the nads for Odenkirk. Also for Arnett, who stars in both. Are these guys really movie star potential? The film also co-stars, Groundlings alum and SNL cast member, Kristen Wiig. She is so full of talent, but not in this movie, and it's not her fault. Again it goes back to the script and poor character development. Seriously they could have thrown anyone in this role and it would not have mattered.
The most annoying thing about this movie is that the song "St. Elmo's Fire" by John Parr is played about 5 times throughout the film and not for comedic effect. I just didnt get it. Were there refernces to the brat pack? Did I miss something? The pacing of the trailer for this flick is much more enjoyable, I suggest watching that about 5 times and just envision how funny you would have liked this movie to be. Here is the trailer...skip the movie..peace.